whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
