"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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