sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
