I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
