I look better un-naked...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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