5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
