I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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