Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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