Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
