you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
