I CAN MOONWALK!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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