Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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