Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
