worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
