my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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