i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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