I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
