farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
