Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
