why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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