There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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