even my farts smell like vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then my night got REAL pukey
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
