Dual....:-)
I didn't shave. On purpose
People in love make me want to vomit
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
