so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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