erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
