walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
