Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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