I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
