Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
