I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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