I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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