Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
