we have pet lesbian snakes
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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