how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
