There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
