I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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