dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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