Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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