She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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