omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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