Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
