Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
