But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
