Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
