Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
