im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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