I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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