is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They took my balls.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
