Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
