my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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