I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
