Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
