did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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