Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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