When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Vodka?
Forever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
