tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
